Wednesday, February 10, 2010

One More Thing

I feel like this post might push my J.Lo level over the edge on this paltry little blog, but I feel like lately she is messing with me.  So, I've decided to steal a little idea from Gawker's Brian Moylan and give Jenny power rankings so she can see where she is going horribly wrong.

Jennifer Lopez:
J.Lo Bonus: You are Jennifer Lopez: + 50
The Fams : You are married: +2. To that guy: -1. You have twins: + 2! They don't look like divas: -1.
Projects: Released a new perfume in October: +2. Meh -1. New single about shoes in time for SITC2: +3. You ruined it by dressing like an awkward boxer and dancing in a giant shoe: -5. Executive Producer for new T.V. show based on Maid in Manhattan. Has Lifetime potential: +2. Three movies coming up: +0. They will keep Netflix busy: +3.  Wait, I thought you were trying to be a singer again: -7. You just really like money: +5.
Power Plays: Hung out with Rihanna a few days ago: +2. You wore mom jeans: -3. Chosen to introduce to the world Green Day's new musical American Idiot: +2. When you got to the words " American Idiot" on the teleprompter you clearly scoffed like you've never heard of that album: -5. Oh, God. You haven't: -15. Have some guest spots coming up on crazy popular shows: + 3. J.Lo as a cafeteria lady? I'd rather see a diva diva like Babs or Bette: -2.
Fashion: New Years Eve jumpsuit -1. Grammy dress: - 3. You wore that fleshsuit again: -10! Really:  -10.
Diva Points = 12.
Worse off than if you just sat on your couch this year.

What Lopez  should have done was get herself a cirque du show and head over to Vegas like Celine. She is returning to Caesars for another three years and $100 million. Nice power play, Mrs. Angelil.